Stealth

For reasons I cannot fathom right now, I decided to watch this film again after having seen it years ago, and well remembering that it was a crappy film. It is still a crappy film.

The story is about three ace pilots who fly a new extremely high-tech fighter. They are all quite annoying, mostly because of the buddy-banter, as well as their extremely white teeth. They are not too pleased when a new even more high-tech fighter joins their little squadron, a plane flown by an AI robot thing. It goes berzerb when hit by lightning and causes all kinds of grief, but by the end of the film comes to it’s senses and tries to make up for killing one of the pilots, and of course sacrifices itself to save the two remaining pilots.

A lot of the story is so improbable that it is just plain funny. My favourite was the high-altitude unmanned blimp which carries tonnes of jet fuel for mid-air refuelling… basic physics be damned. I found a blimp payload calculator online that told me in order to lift 1000 kg of payload you would need 1,000,000 litres of helium, which is a lot. The blimp in the film seemed to be carrying much more than that though. But this film was probably written by teenagers and for teenagers, so science and making sense is a low priority.

What was very annoying though was the camera work. In some flying action sequences the camera seemed to be set on a low shutter speed and the cameraman was just wildly swinging the camera around. On top of that more blur was added in with CGI so that not only could I not figure out what the heck was going on, but I also felt rather queasy and unsure of my spatial existence.

This was a huge bomb back in 2005, making a loss of US$111 million, and also making it one of the worst in history in fact. Despite it’s bombiness though everyone involved in this seems to have continued on as normal in their careers, including the director, Rob Cohen. Perhaps it was the huge successes of his previous films The Fast and the Furious (made US$207 million from it’s US$38 million budget) and xXx that saved him, and his next film after Stealth made a huge bucket in profits too (The Mummy: Tomb of the Dragon Emperor).

To erase the memory of this film from my consciousness I must watch something to cancel out it’s negative effects, so the first film that comes to mind is Top Gun… Tom’s pearly whites in that film actually make sense.

I did enjoy writing this entry though, so that is something.

Date watched: September 22nd
Score: 2/10
Film count 2019: 28

Sunset Murder Case

I felt like watching an old noir film last night, so I chose this 1938 crime story on YouTube.


Not sure what is going on with the film title in this poster

The story was muddled, but basically it was about a showgirl that had returned from Europe where she was the toast of the town. But her father, a police dude was moidered while investigating the murder of a woman on Sunset strip. She wanted to get revenge on the rat that did it, so with the help of her police beau and another cop, she cooked up a plan to find the killer by posing as a singer in a nightclub where she suspected the crims were hanging out. There was also a reporter involved, a blonde bimbo (played by the excellently named “Sugar Kane”), and several other characters which really made following it all quite confusing. There were no car chases, although there was a nutty crash where a guy pushed a car in the path of another slow-moving car which then promptly fell over onto it’s side, seriously injuring the dame inside…cars in those days were death-traps.

There were plenty of fedora hats.

The main actor was Sally Rand who back in the day was well-known as a dancer who specialised in a dance routine with a giant bubble-ball. She was also known for her “fan dance”.


Doin’ the Bubble

So of course the director or Sally herself just had to include her doing her thing in the film. But, for some reason the whole bubble dance routine was completely silent, so I skipped over most of it (it lasted a while). She sang a couple of tunes later on, which I also skipped over.

The story as I said was muddled and confusing, I gave up trying to figure out who was whom, and what the heck was happening, and just waited for it to finish. At only 59 minutes long I was glad I didn’t have to wait long.

The final scene wrapped up the climactic ending in less than a minute, I guess they ran out of money, or film.

The acting, directing, and cinematography was all very B-grade stuff, I can’t think of anything going for it.

Date watched: June 24th
Score: 2/10
Film count 2018: 37

A Day Without A Mexican

This is a 2004 mockumentary about what happens when all Mexicans suddenly disappear from California.

It is quite low budget, and on the whole quite tedious as it constantly reminds us just how important the Mexican community is to California. There are one or two slightly amusing jokes, but I was just waiting for the whole thing to finish.

It is a pity this was not made after the Orange One was elected president last year, the writers could have had a field day.

I can’t think of much else to say really, except to give it a miss.

Date watched: February 24th
Score: 2/10
Film count 2018: 18

I Spit on Your Grave

Searching on Netflix for a horror I came across this, and chose it merely because of the title, it sounded nasty.

Nasty is a good word for this film actually, as the original 1978 film was branded a video nasty, and this 2010 remake sounds as though it was equally as bad.

The story is about a young woman from Manhattan who rents a cabin in the woods and sets about writing a book, staying there alone of course. She is raped by four local men, and then sets about getting nasty revenge on each of them, killing them in quite horrific ways. The rape scene was quite hard to watch, the actress was very brave to do it, and I imagine it was almost as difficult for the male actors. It went on for way too long (as it did in the original), and it just went a bit too far I thought. The subsequent torture and killings of the men was also pretty horrific stuff, equally as hard to watch.

So I can’t recommend watching this, it is just pure torture and killing with no real justification for any of it. Basically, it is one of those “you hurt me (or someone I know)… I kill you” storylines, like Taken or John Wick. I will say though that the acting and cinematography were both very good.

There have been two sequels since.

Date watched: November 24th
Score: 2/10
Film count 2017: 133