Continued from part 1.
Ali joins in on the fight after resisting the charms of the alien queen, and together they beat up monsters for a while longer. Finally, the alien honcho gets some thugs to laser-stun Murat and Ali, then prepares them for torture. First, they try to torture them by placing what seems to be concrete blocks on their chests, and pushing them hard into their chins (!).
That doesn’t break them, so next they bury them in dirt, with the alien boss saying “No one can endure this pain!”. So they are buried, but soon rise up out of the dirt as if was nothing. So, it is plan C next… the arena! After this, the alien guy is talking to the alien queen, and he is displeased that she did not get Ali’s brain, which he needs for reasons we do not know. He tells her she must die, then turns her into a large spider.
“The arena” turns out to be a one-on-one between Murat and the monster that caused amok earlier on. This is where Murat’s superb jumping skills come in. He takes a running jump and leaps high into the air and smashes down on the monster. He does this several times, with the oppressed villagers looking on and yelling “hurray” every time he does this. Finally, he finishes the monster off by jumping up and down on his chest.
After this, the other monsters, Cylons, and Robbie the Robot all get angry and start to attack, so Murat and the villagers scarper.
Strangely, Murat escapes, but Ali is still held captive, and the alien maniac decides it is time to use Ali’s brain. Meanwhile Murat goes to a temple where an elder explains all about Islam. He also talks of nuclear war, brain powers, and melting a mountain to make a super-special sword, and a bit more about brains.
Murat’s new lady friend takes him to some sacred place, followed closely by four Evil Elmo’s. On the way they are ambushed by ninjas wearing metal kitchen bowls on their heads. He makes quick work of them though.
Work begins on Ali’s brain…
Murat and his lady finally get into the temple, and as they gaze at the nice religious paintings on the ceiling, the narrator gives us a religious history lesson, and about just how powerful and evil the Magician is (that is the alien dictator’s name), and how he wants to get revenge on Earth, and also how he desires “The Golden Brain”. Murat finds the super special sword, as well as “the Golden Brain”. Murat’s lady also explains that she can now talk, now that a mortal has The Golden Brain and the super-special sword.
On the way out of the temple, Murat meets Ali, who looks kind of out of it. Ali grabs the sword and tries to kill Murat. Fisticuffs ensue, and after a while Ali morphs into this beastie…
Murat kills him with the super-special sword, and Murat’s lady figures the Magician must be after Ali’s brain. It’s time for a showdown! On the way to rescuing Ali, Murat meets more kitchen bowl ninjas, and so he beats the crap out of all of them.
Meanwhile, the Magician finds that he cannot get into Ali’s brain because “All his power depends on his friend (Murat)”. The Magician is really pissed about this.
Murat is making his way back to the Magicians lair, on quite the bloodthirsty rampage as he kills all beasties on the way, including the Evil Elmo’s that were following him earlier.
He makes it to the lair, and inside sets about killing all Cylons, before rescuing Ali. But Ali is really really pissed at The Magician and wants Murat’s super-special sword to run amok in the lair and kill every single freakin’ monster there is. Murat says no, he just wants to get The Magician. Ali pushes Murat who falls over and is temporarily stunned, so Ali grabs the sword and The Golden Brain, and runs off. Ali goes to The Elder and asks him how to merge the power of the super-special sword with The Golden Brain and hands them over. But it’s a rouse, as The Elder is actually The Magician who transmogrifies back into his own form. A fight starts, but Ali is no match for The Magician now. Murat joins the party, but The Magician wimps out and disappears in a puff of smoke.
Back at the temple the real Elder is dying, and warns that The Magician is now all-mighty now that he has The Golden Brain and super-special sword. Then he transmogrifies into The Magician and dies… huh?
Ali decides that it is all his fault, he gave The Magician the Golden Brain and super-special sword which made him powerful. So he decides to go and save everyone and runs out the door and is immediately explodes! Murat holds the dying Ali in his arms, they make a few jokes, tell each other they are great chums, Ali talks about women, then he dies.
Murat is now ready for the final showdown, and to prepare he melts the super-special sword, puts his hand in the molten metal, and pulls them out to reveal super-golden gloves! This is all against some very familiar sounding dramatic music, but I can’t quite place it.
Murat goes on a berzerb rampage and starts killing all monsters, Cylons, and Evil Emos. While this is going on The Magician decides it is time to destroy Earth, so he sends out X-Wing fighters, and tells the Death Star crew to fire on the planet. We then see a Star Wars shot of something blowing up, I think it is meant to be Earth. Or is it? This next shot confuses things a bit.
Murat is by now absolutely on the rampage, ramped up to 11, and in his anger starts to tear limbs from monsters, kicking them in the groin, punching his fist right through their body, or chopping them in half…
In the next shot The Magician says “Destroy the Earth!”… possibly the Death Star guys blew up the wrong planet before.
Murat continues his bonkers rampage, and is now decapitating monsters with glee.
The Magician is again repeating that Earth must be destroyed, but not a lot is happening on that.
The rampage just goes on and on, the body count now is astronomical. But, finally Murat meets The Magician and after a rather short battle where Murat leaps around a bit, smacks The Magician about the face and head a bit, and kills him by doing an almighty karate chop that splits The Magician clean in half!
After some shots of something exploding, no idea what it was, the villagers shout “hurray!”, Murat tells his alien lady that peace is upon this land, says goodbye, hops into the Millenium Falcon and flies off. The End.
Scoring this one is hard as it is both terrible and great. I shall just go half way between and give it five, but really, this one is un-scorable.
Writing this post was actually more fun than the film. If you must see this then drink a few beers first, I think it will better get you into the spirit.
The guy who played Murat, Cüneyt Arkın, is considered to be Turkey’s most prominent actors of all time. He has made a crap load of films, just look at the list on Wikipedia!
I would like to see this one…
Date watched: January 12th
Film count 2017: 10