10,000 B.C.

I will spare you the bother of watching this by giving a quick summary of the story.

A tribe of awfully nice people living in the mountains of New Zealand, most of whom have very expensive looking dreadlocks, are attacked by a band of nasty chaps with hipster beards and speaking some kind of Klingon dialect. They take prisoners and scarper.

The dreads that were not captured decide to follow “the chosen one” (although he doesn’t think he is, of course) on a quest to save their fellow dreads, mainly because they have the chosen one’s girl, and she is awfully pretty. They leave the mountains of N.Z. and turn up in an African savannagh.

Along the way the chosen one saves a sabre-toothed tiger which comes in handy later as it turns up again when the dreads have a bit of a run in with an African tribe and things were looking sticky. But the awkward situation is saved by the sabre-toothed tiger who protects the chosen one, greatly impressing the Africans who chant “he is the one prophesized as you can see painted on that rock over there, to come and save us all because he is a sabre-toothed tiger wrangler. Huzzah!”. The chosen one thinks it’s all a bit daffy, but goes along with it.

So with a whole bunch of African tribesman, and a few more tribes along as well because they too had people taken by the hipster Klingons, they all go off to ancient Egypt.

Finally, in ancient Egypt we find out what the film-writer monkeys first idea for this film was: “Let’s make a film with the making of the pyramids! We’ll throw in some mountain men, a pretty girl, sabre-toothed tigers and mammoths because they are freakin’ cool! And ooh! Some large vicious man-eating chickens too!

A battle ensues, the evil b’stard who is running the whole pyramid scheme gets speared by the chosen one and all of the slaves go on a rampage and kill their captors. Of course as we all know the pyramids were eventually finished, so I guess shortly after they were re-captured, a new evil b’stard was appointed and everything was back on track.

The chosen one and his band of dreads went back to N.Z., learned how to cultivate plants instead of relying on mammoth hunts, and were all smiles.

Date watched: September 20th
Score: 3/10
Film count 2015: 124

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