CHiPs – Disaster Squad

Hoo! What an episode, all kinds of stuff happened, some of it pretty intense.

It started with Grossman calling Jon and Ponch about a beautiful chick he spotted driving a Corvette on the freeway. He was parked on the side on the freeway on his ‘sicle and a blonde was driving towards him. He told Jon and Ponch she was a 9.5 on the scale and Jon and Ponch laughed merrily.

Then, we cut to a heated argument between two dumpy looking guys outside their place of employment, a construction equipment rental place. The boss guy by the name of Gus Becker was firing his brother-in-law, Hilmer, for letting the concrete in a concrete mixer truck go hard. Hilmer was quite pissed about this as he insisted it was not his fault.

hilmer

They argued a bit with Hilmer picking up some pebbles and throwing them at a frightened Becker who protected himself with his clipboard.

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Clipboard protect!

Hilmer yelled out ‘You’ll be sorry’, got into a red pickup truck, backed into some portable concrete mixers, then sped off in quite a huff. He was steaming mad and took out his frustration on other drivers. He rear ended an old man in his car at an intersection then yelled out the window “Look where you’re driving”, and sped off. The old man shook his fist at him.

Then Hilmer got on the highway and side swiped a few cars while yelling at them. By this time Jon and Ponch were in hot pursuit and caught up to him when Hilmer rear-ended a car and flipped his pickup over through a nifty 360 spin. The car had a ramp trailing behind it which made it easy for the pickup to flip…dangerous!

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El rampo

It disappeared in a later shot. Hilmer got out of the pickup with a tyre-iron and went ballistic at the driver saying he was dangerous but didn’t mention the ramp. Jon came along and tried to calm things down, but Hilmer was in a very agitated state by now saying ‘Leave me alone, get away from me’ etc. At this point a Channel 3 van pulled up and a smarmy looking reporter, who looked a lot like Gene Wilder, got out followed by his crew who ran over to film the unfolding drama. Ponch looked on in dismay but didn’t stop them. The smarmy reporter yelled at him to say something, so Hilmer talked about his barney with Becker and how he was wrongly accused and gave Becker’s address. Then he ran up the hill next to the freeway, quite off the rails by now, and onto a bridge going over the freeway (it was quite obvious that the freeway and bridge had just been built as they were nice and shiny new). He sat on the edge of the bridge and threatened to jump, with smarmy reporter yelling at him to jump and encouraged the crowd that had gathered by this time to yell “Jump” also. Ponch said to smarmy reporter to knock it off and the reporter said to Ponch “What is this? Police brutality?” The reporter stepped back and tripped and fell and Ponch helped him back up, all with the camera filming the incident. Ponch then said “It’s an offense to aid in a suicide and incite crime, you creep. Now you be quiet or I’ll put you in the slammer” (this particular incident is craftily woven into the story later on). Meanwhile, Jon tried to calm Hilmer down but it wasn’t working, but all was saved by Gus who turned up. He told Hilmer he could have his job back if he came down with and added that if he jumped the deal was off! Haha! So Hilmer thought about it and came down and started apologizing for his behaviour saying he was nervous and needs a lawyer so he can plead insanity. Things got a bit heated again though in the following dialogue:

Hilmer: “I’m no good Gus, I should have jumped!”
Gus replied “You’re right. But then, you WOULD STILL OWE ME A CEMENT MIXER!”.
This made Hilmer mad again who said “I DIDN’T WRECK THE MIXER YOU DID! I was having a drink at the time!”
Gus: “Wait a minute, I was with you.”
Hilmer; “Uh-huh.”
Gus: “We were having a drink together!”
Hilmer: “Mmm.”
Gus: “Holy mackerel!”
Hilmer: “Then you are just as guilty as I am!”
Gus: “Then just for that I’ll bail you out.”
Hilmer: “You’re a good man Gus.”
Gus: “You’re my brother in-law Hilmer!”.
Then they hugged and all was well. The crowd clapped and Hilmer finished the scene with the punchline “This is gonna ruin my car insurance!” Cut to Jon looking bewildered.

Next, Jon and Ponch are back at CHiPs HQ and Ponch is a bit grumpy about the news reporter. Sindy, who is a female copper that started at the beginning of the season because they needed some hot copper chicks in the series, calmed Ponch down while Jon and Ponch explained to Sindy (actually Sindy here represented the audience so we can learn the back story…crafty!) about this particular TV crew, which had been nicknamed the “Disaster Squad”, had been turning up to every incident on the freeways and getting in their way. Sindy made grumpy Ponch smile and all was good again.

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Sindy cheers up Ponch

Jon and Ponch then walked back to their bikes through the ‘sicle maintenance area and came across a cute four year old kid who was scoping out their bikes. They asked him if he was going to steal one and he said that he didn’t need to because he has one exactly like them at his house. They told him to run off back home but he said he was lost so they escorted him in a patrol car back home. His mother came out and she turned out to be the chick who was driving the Corvette and received a 9.5 from Grossie! It’s great how they interweave everything together, clever script writing if you ask me! Yessir! Anyway, the kid wants to show them his bike which turns out to be a little trail bike, and he demonstrates his riding skills in the backyard. This little actor kid was quite impressive, not only could he act pretty well for his age, he also had some gnarly trail biking skills. Jon and Ponch laughed merrily. Jon also got the hots for his mother who was divorced.

Back at CHiPs HQ, in a cop meeting, the Sarge is telling the Chippies to be courteous and smile to the public, even when they hassling them which gets a big groan from the Chippies, he said “Smile until your teeth ache”. Then Ponch who is still riled up about the Disaster Squad complains to the Sarge about them, saying “When they are around we can’t do our duty by the book”, to which Sarge replies “By the book Frank? In your case since when?!” Oooh!

Later, Jon and Ponch pull over to the side of the freeway and have a chat. Jon says he has the hots for 9.5 chick and wants to ask her out for a date. He wants Ponch to babysit the kid will he does his dating thing. Ponch hassles him a bit, them agrees.

The next freeway incident is bizarre. Jon and Ponch get a call that there is a pickup driving in the reverse direction on the freeway. Listening in on this call is the Disaster Squad who jump into action. Jon and Ponch come up some distance behind the pickup which is actually driving in reverse. Jon says “WTF! He is not coming any closer!” to which Ponch replies “Hey, he is not coming towards us, he is driving in reverse!” That has to be the dumbest thing I have heard so far in this series. A guy in another car was looking on in amusement and rear-ended a car while he was distracted, causing his car and the other to spin and stop. Jon and Ponch stop and everyone is OK, so they talk to the pickup driver who explains he is a best man on his way to a wedding and he is frickin late, and the pickup couldn’t get any forward gears so he had to drive in reverse. Then, the Disaster Squad turn up and start filming. The smarmy reporter starts interviewing the best man but Jon and especially Ponch get pissed and tell them to move away. Smarmy reporter walks away with his crew, but then gets this wild look in his eyes. He sees a flare which was put behind the incident and says to the crew “Start filming”. The crew says “What are you gonna do?” suspiciously but he says “Just film OK?”. He grabs the flare and throws it at the car which had been rear-ended and ruptured it’s fuel tank. Then they run for cover behind the TV van and wait for action. The next part I played over several times because it was quite bizarre.

The car blows up in quite a large explosion, lots of gasoline was used.

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Car blows

The crew run out from behind the van and go in closer to the burning car. All three of the guys were close together and a few seconds after the explosion a large piece of flaming debris, it looked like sheet metal, comes crashing down from directly above the TV crew. It hits the cameraman whose shirt instantly catches fire.

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Flaming debris

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Hey!!

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Get it off, get it off!!

He and the other two instantly run away like buggers. We then cut to a stuntman on fire and Jon and Ponch swatting out the fire.

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Flaming stuntguy

It is quite obvious here I think that this was not planned as it was definitely the actor who played the cameraman on fire at first. The sheet metal hit him quite hard and the whole situation was too dangerous for the actors to be attempting, even for stuntmen probably. But they obviously decided to work it into the story. The scene ends with a close up of smarmy reporter, a crazed psycho look on his face.

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Muhahaha!

After that intense drama we needed comedy relief, and it turned up in the form of Sindy who pulls up behind Jon and Ponch in her patrol car with cute trail bike kid. He had become lost again and said only Jon and Ponch knows where he lives. In the next scene we are on a picnic date. Jon and 9.5 chick are having a luverly lunch near a trail bike track and sipping wine. Ponch and cute trail bike kid are tearing around nearby on their trail bikes. Jon and 9.5 chick are getting on quite well and just as Jon leans in for a kiss Ponch and cute trail bike kid come running…foiled! Ponch asks if cute trail bike kid can enter a kid’s trail bike race which is being held nearby. 9.5 chick reluctantly says yes so they all head off over to the race.

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9.5 chick and Jonno

Despite having never raced before, cute trail bike kid almost wins but is deliberatly pushed by the second place rider and crashes out, and boy is he pissed! Ponch comes running over and the cute trail bike kid says “I’m gonna mess that kids face up, gonna punch his lights out” and several other nasty threats. Ponch is disgusted and says he can’t be his partner anymore if he behaves like that. Cute trail bike kid thinks about this and says “I’m sorry, I won’t punch anyone again” and all is well.

gonna_beat_his_ass
Gonna beat his ass!

Later, on the highway Jon and Ponch come across the Disaster Squad parked on the side of the freeway, illegally. The smarmy reporter gives them lip and Ponch gets quite stroppy in return. After Jon and Ponch give them a warning they leave and smarmy reporter says “That Poncherello needs to be taught a lesson he won’t forget.” His crew though don’t approve, but smarmy reporter gets stroppy with them and orders them they will do what they are told. This guy is out of control.

At 9.5 chick’s house cute trail bike kid is watching TV and see’s a Channel 3 news report about the incident at the start of the episode. Smarmy reporter has edited the news report so that it looks as though Ponch hit him down to the ground with Ponch saying “I’ll slam you in the mouth creep”. Cute trail bike boy gets upset about this as Ponch made him promise to never hit anyone. He then runs out of the nice living room, jumps on his trail bike and tears off, crying.

Back at CHP HQ, the Sarge is grilling Ponch about the TV report and Ponch swears he did not say that shit, it was edited dammit! The Sarge finally believes his story but the grilling is interrupted when Sindy tells them cute trail bike boy has run away again. Jon and Ponch run out and jump on their bikes. They find him on his ‘sicle riding next to one of those waterways like the one in Terminator 2, only there is a lot of water in it. He of course falls in and Jon and Ponch try to get him but can’t so Ponch heroically jumps in after him. After going quite some distance down the waterway Jon manages to pull both of them out. As they are recovering the Disaster Squad pulls up and does it’s thing. Smarmy reporter tries to force cute trial bike kid to say something but he is upset and won’t say jack. Jon and Ponch tell him to back off and then John says “Listen mister, I’m about ready to do something I’ve never done before” while taking off his sunglasses and gloves. Smarmy reporter gets excited and says to his crew “Get ready, he’s gonna hit me!”. This is the last straw for the new cameraman who hands the camera to Jon and says “Film this”, then tries to force a confession from smarmy reporter about the editing he did on Ponch. He doesn’t talk at first, but after a roundhouse to the head confesses, and all is revealed to the camera. Jon and Ponch give him the evil eye then walk away…victory!

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I confess, I did it.

The episode ends with Ponch making cute trail bike kid promising never to ride his bike anywhere without permission first. 9.5 chick tells Jon that her ex-husband wants to remarry again which Jon is shocked to hear, but after asking her if she wants to marry ex-husband again she says no. Jon has a large grin on his face upon hearing this.

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WTF? Marry again? WTF?

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Not marry? Good!

The episode ends with a shot of a stuntman who kinda looks like Ponch, and cute trial bike kid going over a jump, then freezing mid jump. Nice!

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El freezo

CHiP-O-meter episode score: 10/10

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